Is this big, tough, family-sized Jurassic V8 petrol machine a scaredactyl?

Price: $110,990
Powertrain: 5.6-litre eight cylinder petrol, 298kW/560Nm, four-wheel drive, seven-speed automatic, 14.4L/100km, 373g/km CO2.
Vital statistics: 5175mm long, 1995mm wide, 1955mm high, wheelbase 3075mm.

We like: It’s tough as, smooth power delivery, roomy cabin.

Not so much: Thirst, outdated infotainment ,a far-from-contemporary look and feel.

Photos: Callum Crawley

FEED a metallic-looking disc into a slot and it’s drawn into the depths of the infotainment system.

There’s whirring and whizzing then next thing you know, a movie is playing on small screens inset into the back of the front chairs’ head restraints. Also, until the vehicle starts moving, onto a screen on the dashboard.

Those in the back viewing their Hollywood blockbuster have wireless headphones and a chunky remote. Occupants up front, meantime, up front can simultaneously listen to the radio.

Alternately, you can feed in another kind of disc, which holds music files, and everyone can have a party.

When was the last time you ever came across a disc player in a vehicle? I’m betting it was a long while ago. About as long as it was since you watched a DVD or listened to a CD at home.

These days, that stuff is likely to be stowed up in the attic or a box in the spare room. And even if you still are true, where’s the support? The media that seemed so leading-edge back in 2012 is, 10 years on, now so utterly dodo’ed it’s wholly left the retail scene. Anyone wanting to feed the Nissan Patrol’s movie habit best start at a thrift shop.

An infotainment system set up for a time before the world went to the cloud, streaming services and Apple Car Play and Android Auto – neither of which this vehicle has the slightest idea about – is only to be expected.

Even though it has received updates, the Nissan Patrol is still largely stuck back in the year of its introduction.

Even since-applied advancements such as trendy LED headlights fail to disguise that Nissan’s full-sized – and then some – sports utility wagon represents as a real jump back in time.

This is a model whose updates for 2022 spanned little more than application of a flat logo design and some darkened trim pieces on the front intakes and grille. Basically, a morning’s work for someone back in design.

Prolonged build cycles are almost always the case with large off-road vehicles, but even by that scale it’s been around a fair while.

As said, the design you see here officially dates back to 2012. Carbon dating the bones would reminder it’s older. That what came out 10 years ago was a rejig of a 2005 release. Conceivably only the Toyota Land Cruiser Prado, which has 20 years’ service under its belt, is parked further down the Jurassic end of the new vehicle car park

It is what it is and, yet, you might wonder how much longer it has to go. Also, at point of time when the hand of God does pluck it from this firmament, will there ever be another? Despite a certain coolness toward this kind of rig from its partners Renault – which has never had anything like this – and Mitsubishi (which did, with the Pajero, even longer-toothed when it departed last year), Nissan intends to plug on.

The incoming Y63 vehicle is said to be set for release in 2024, sights primarily set on the ‘big’ LandCruiser, the one that modernised into the 300-Series last year, and its Prado sidekick, with right-hand-drive assured simply because Australia is the biggest taker and is keen for more.

How different will tomorrow’s Patrol be? No-one should be surprised that the single feature that asks for most immediate consumer consideration – the 5.6 litre petrol V8 – is almost certainly not going to survive the changes.

And neither should it. As likeable as the smoothness and muscularity inherent to this unit is, a petrol engine even in this category is just unrealistic. There’s good reason why Patrol has a 140-litre tank – so, 30 litres’ more capacity than a 300 Series. Propelling more than 2700kg is always going to require a considerable amount of fuel. It drinks like a fish. A large fish.

On the second day of test, the vehicle undertook off roading. Trundling around a series of muddy and metalled tracks was an awesome couple of hours’ entertainment that put around 30km on the odometer … but saw the fuel gauge needle drop from ‘full’ to just above three quarters.

Thereafter, it drove mainly on roads, and calmed down considerably, to 16.6 litres per 100km, according to the trip computer. On the final afternoon that average slipped down to 16.2, which is still 2L/100km short of the manufacturer’s cited optimal. What sort of consumption from towing? I’ve let you down there. The tester came with a hook, but it remained unused.

But, yeah, it’s a rig that enjoys a drink. To extent where, if running costs are a be-all, then it’s likely going to be a stern challenge. Expensive, too. Diesel now costs more than petrol, but you go further on it. And, regardless, at time of test, a complete refill for Patrol was a $300-plus exercise; in part because it only goes for the good (95 RON plus) stuff.

The $5175 Clean Car penalty it attracts on purchase for a CO2 count of 373 grams will surely soon seem chickenfeed by comparison if you’re clocking 500-700 kays a week in this monster.

I’d say ouch to that, but clearly some customers can take that kind of hit, else the vehicle wouldn’t be here.

Spending time with the V8 makes you wish it could be a survivor in a world in which synthetic fuel was to become a cost-effective solution because it’s a great engine for this kind of vehicle. Sure, there are more muscular foils burning diesel, but this engine is quieter than any compression ignition unit and it still produces an instant swell of torque that is so seamless in its smoothness. It’s rare these days to sit behind a big engine that doesn’t rely on turbos to elevate its heft. The V8’s linearity is something special.

Added to that is that is has genuine stonk. Look at the Patrol and you’ll be forgiven for thinking it’s be a slug; but in a straight line, that’s certainly not the case. There’s more than enough power to compensate for its substance.

You can understand why this engine has become a favourite for motorsport. Straight line punch is impressive. It’s also pretty good when off-roading, treading carefully through ruts and across loose surfaces is easy; if there’s mud it just requires a touch more pressure on the well-calibrated throttle.

As well as being big-hearted, it’s a genuine tough nut. A colleague got it so right in describing it as the automotive equivalent of The Rock. When Patrol got its last big revision, all effort went into reshaping the body on top of the chassis and refining to appeal to a greater variety of buyers. The basic engineering was unaltered; for good reason. Buyers demand robustness. Boy, do they get it. The sense of sturdy durability is obvious.

That doesn’t just go for the model’s construction but also the drivetrain. A seven-speed auto is a bit behind the times now and the ‘intelligent’ four-wheel-drive is clearly from an earlier age than some, but only in the way it presents. The fundamentals are solid and reliable.

The various modes are easily fathomed and seem sensibly calibrated – for our excursion, ‘sand’ worked brilliantly – and while engagement of the low-range 4WD system proved a bit fiddly, once in that setting the Patrol’s ability elevates tangibly. Locking up the differentials as well and it’s hard to see what sort of terrain might defeat it. Certainly, nothing I and two friends who have massive off-roading experience could find fazed it.

Back in traffic, the Patrol is typical of its kind in asking for constant consideration for how much road room it requires. Though it’s far from being outright ungainly to steer through traffic, you can easily understand why other road users feel obliged to give it space.

Though it was advanced in its day in using independent suspension both front and rear, by necessity the suspension is soft and supple and it’s underpinning a sturdy, but heavy, ladder frame chassis.

It delivers a smooth and comfortable ride, yet while the tyres afford good grip and the permanent all-wheel-drive contribute positively, ultimately physics cannot be denied.

Nissan’s lane-keeping is there to nudge you away from the lines via braking or sound a beep to let you know you’re drifting, but you’re driving by butt-o-meter too; when gets a bit wallowy that’s a sign to dial back a fraction. By then you will have twigged to a certain degree of vagueness to the steering response, too. Those are simply the trade-offs for having such solid beyond-seal aptitude.

In the city, it doesn’t fare entirely well, but would you realistically expect it to? Most streets are too narrow for u-turns and it fills a carpark.

You’re pleased for the radar parking assists and the multi-view cameras, the one in the rear projecting a live feed into the central mirror, other views coming up on the mid-dash touch-screen that, for resolution and size, isn’t a patch on modern offerings. You’ll be squinting to work out the finer detail of what’s in grainy view. It’s just another reminder of the era it comes from.

There are so many more. A mate likened the Patrol’s interior to go an old luxury hotel. Definitely upmarket, obviously of an earlier age. One anyone under 20 will have only heard about from their parents.

The sat nav works okay and will get you to a destination, but it’s operability and mapping reproduction is very twee and creaky; basically, if you’re in a blazing hurry to get to somewhere, you’ll be better off using a phone app. The cabin ergonomics (it’s a button-fest, but not with fulsome logic) and provision of a foot-operated parking brake.

The ruffled leather, piano black plastics and highly-polished wooden accents are gauche nana-era décor. But, gosh, it is comfortable and roomy, not just in the front chairs – which are power adjustable, heated, and cooled – but also in the mid row ‘cinema’ seats.

The rearmost seats are, as expected, a little tighter so are more for kids. They aren’t such a good spot for movie viewing as occupants not only have to peer past headrests but also don’t get the Bluetooth headphones provisioned for row two. Even so, it’s not a poverty zone. Even back there occupants achieve bottle holders to themselves and directional air vents for some air flow. The second row also has two cupholders in the centre armrest, along with a climate control panel. Up front there are two cupholders, a phone holder and a huge, very deep centre storage bin that works as a fridge.

One bonus of it being so large is that you can have all seats in place and still achieve a 468-litre boot, growing to 1413L when the rearmost chairs are out of sight. Being such tall model means it has a high-ish loading lip and, if groceries roll into the car, you’ll be asking help from the tallest family member to fish them out. The shorter member of our family was pleased the tailgate opens and closes by press of a button. Imagine how heavy it would be to pull manually.

Safety-wise, it has all the fundamental assists and engagements. Autonomous emergency braking, rear cross-traffic alert, active lane-keep and blind-spot assist, adaptive cruise control, front and rear parking sensors and six airbags. And yet, just a pair of Isofix anchorage points on the outboard second row seats. No one has crash-tested the Y62, meaning there’s no ANCAP rating.

All in all, it’s a vehicle that realistically stands best chance of winning over only true enthusiasts who have full understanding of the pros and cons and, having weighed those up, can still find a use for it.

Those people do exist: The dealership to which Nissan NZ asked me to return their press example told me that a customer subsequently was so impressed by driving it he bought one. Seems he was one of those rare souls who could stand the fuel cost and wanted a rig that was reliable, strong and not packed with new-age tech that was nonsensical to him. That’s this Patrol in a nutshell.

Whether the next one will be is a question now becoming relevant. Talk from Australia is that the 2024 model will either sport a new twin-turbo V6 (but petrol, not diesel as per the Toyota direction) or a new development of the hybrid powertrain incoming for X-Trail and Qashqai.

E-Power with e-4ORCE 4WD is quite a big leap forward. Basically, it’s still a petrol model, but only just. The engine is solely there as a generator to recharge the battery. Only the electric motor used to drive the wheels.

Nissan says the set-up it has so far used on small to medium models is wholly scalable and agrees that, in theory, it might be suited to a big SUV; which means Pathfinder (which is currently a 3.5-litre V6) and Patrol.

That’s a radical step, maybe, but it could be the one that could bring the biggest thing behind their badge back on course toward something approaching mainstream acceptance.